quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
