well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
