This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
