as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
