the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
