Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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