You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
