Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
