The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize