k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
even my farts smell like vagina
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
