someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize