Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
