I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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