Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
