angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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