You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
