if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
