1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
