Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
