he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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