call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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