Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
