420 ftw
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
