hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
