oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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