Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
