Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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