oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
