Whod you bang
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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