That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
