I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
