So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The uberlube is also flammable
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
