She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
