You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
