Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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