What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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