I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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