"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
