i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
