hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I understand Curling. That high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
