I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
