I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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