Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
