yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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