you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
