He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
