I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
