Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
