I cut my penus on the lid.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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