haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
