that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
