He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His nipple licking is glorious
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