grandma shit on top of the toilet
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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