Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
