What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
