My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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