just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
