I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
