you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
