Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
