u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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