So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
