So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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