did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
