I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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