I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
