Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
