Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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