I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
