it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
