just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
