why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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