420 ftw
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
