I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
