my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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