It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
