I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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